jaws                 jaws 2

It was the summer of 1975. She was young, pretty, and care free as she ran through the night along the sand dunes toward the ocean. Her name was Chrissie Watkins. She pealed off her clothes before diving in the ocean. It was a peaceful picture of a perfect summer night. The water was calm as Chrissie swam toward a buoy as a bell rung. She paused as the dawn sun peeked above the far horizon. It was perfect. Then it was over, ruined, forever. There was heart beating music, screams as poor Chrissie Watkins got yanked every which way and finally under the water forever. It was horrifying to watch. A shark attack by the most famous shark of all-time. Jaws. Thanks a lot Jaws. The hit movie , ranked second scariest movie of all-time behind Poltergeist, taught us that swimming in the ocean equals human buffet for great white sharks.I was recently at dinner with a group of 8-people all over the age of 50 and everyone there had distinct memories of the first time they had gone to see Jaws at the movie theatre. Interesting enough the memories still lingered and several were afraid to swim in the ocean believing there would be a great white shark just waiting there to gobble them up. The shark is always there, lurking, somewhere deep in our subconscious, but ready to resurface every time we try to enter the ocean. What is it about a 39-year old mechanical shark that we can’t shake? Fear, that’s what. Not being able to see through the murky water to what is swimming below or next to us. The good, rational news is that you stand a better chance of being struck by lightning, twice, than being eaten by a shark. Does that help if you are on a pleasure boat and getting ready to jump in ocean water over your head…hell no. That damn shark is right below just waiting for the chance to maul you and end your life in a bloody mess. Even if you don’t get killed the instant you dive in the shark will appear not long after and people will be yelling “SHARK” as you race back to the boat only to be shredded up when your just feet away from safety while your friends on the boat watch in horror. If you are actually lucky enough not to be attacked while swimming the shark will surely appear just as you reach the boat and rip off your legs as you try to climb back on board. He has been waiting for this day for 39-years. You are the one he wants to eat and you can’t convince me otherwise. Fear is a good thing. It is an emotion intended to keep us alive and Jaws scared the crap out of us. A professor at the University of Wisconsin has been studying the Jaws effect for over 30-years says ” Thinking about Jaws when you are in the ocean, in a way, is a rational response, since there are sharks in the ocean”. DUHHH. Her survey was completed more than 30-years after Jaws was released and still 43% reported experiencing “enduring problems” with swimming in the ocean, all because of that monster fish. ” I feel intuitively that I am destined to die as a result of a shark attack” one student reported. That’s right, Jaws has had many offspring in the past 39-years and they are just waiting for you to venture out in the water. They are just deep enough to be out of sight but as soon as you enter their turf the attack will begin, no question about it. When swimming in the ocean I would always suggest swimming with a companion. That way you can have your companion jump in first and see if anything happens to them. But make sure that they have seen the movie first because Jaws descendants only attack people who have seen the movie. A mutant Jaws descendant with great intellectual powers has a list kept deep underwater of all those who have seen the movie Jaws and are planning to pick them off one-by-one. One thing for sure, don’t go swimming in the ocean at night. There will be an all points bulletin to all great whites about your whereabouts and you will be eaten by a pack of sharks, which might be less painful than the agonizingly slow death only one shark can bring. The sharks have a lot of ground to cover so if they don’t get you the first time, feel lucky, because your name is now on their “hit list” and they are bound to get you the next time you enter. The Jaws family considers it an insult if you dare to try and fool them. We saw the movie with a group of 8-people and there are only six of us still alive. A Jaws son got one, Gary, while he was snorkling off the coast of Hawaii and a second, Mike, was fishing off the Southern coast in a small boat with a friend when he put his hand in the water to clean off fish blood and a Jaws child grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of the boat in to the ocean where he became a late lunch. The friend lived because he had not seen the movie. So if you think it’s safe to enter the water now, forget it, there is a whole new generation of Jaws sharks waiting for you to just stick your little toe in the ocean. I feel safe because I gave a fake name when I went to see the movie. I used the name of someone I didn’t like and he had his head bitten off while boogy boarding…kinda feel bad about that.



  1. It is more likely we will be killed in our car than to be eaten by a shark….we jump in our car everyday, never knowing who we may encounter (drunks, drugged out people, spaced out people, sleep deprived people, people texting, eating, reading the paper!!)…..tis true….never saw Jaws or Poltergeist…..have little respect for people who make those kind of movies….with sharks, if someone is truly scared to go into the ocean, then they shouldn’t go in….we are in their world.

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